Friday, December 17, 2010

Bad Language.

While I do feel that some expressions die out before their time, there are definitely some expressions that hang on far too long, well past the point of being totally played out. Usually the way an expression fizzles is that someone exceedingly lame gets a hold of it, and completely ruins it for everyone else. Picture people still spouting the “whazaap” catch phrase from those fucking beer commercials and you’ll know the type of people that I mean. They may even be the same people that would wish you a "Happy Tuesday" (see: Celebrate Good Times? Come On.). Sometimes the expressions that they use were never even that cool to begin with (once again, “whazaaap” comes to mind), and yet somehow they infect the language and become widely used in everyday conversation.

The following is a list of expressions and sayings and things that I would like to do away with immediately, as they have either outlived their relevance and usefulness, were never relevant or useful to begin with, or just should have never become as widespread and popular as they have. They also tend to piss me off every time that I hear them, and I would usually like to kick the perpetrator in the nuts and/or boobies.

1) “Old School”

The popularity of the movie of the same name only worsened the needless propagation of this expression that I personally feel no one really understood in the first place. For something to be of the old school, it needs to be something that used to be the standard practice and has since been replaced by some new standard practice, a.k.a., the new school. This is not how most people use it.

“Oh man, what you eatin’? Fuckin’ fishsticks? Man that shit is old school.”
“There’s like this old school dude standing on the corner peeing.”
“I like the old school episodes of the Cosby Show.”

I really did like this expression for a while. But now it is overused, warped, and thus, quite lame. Dare I say, it is old school to use old school properly. People overuse “hardcore” in a similar fashion, but I’m willing to keep it in circulation. Just promise to stop using it so much, I want it to remain at least somewhat special.

2) “Man-Cave”

This has not become lame through overuse. This was simply lame to begin with. If I have to hear another dickhead talk about his man-cave I think I might shove my boot directly up his man-cave.

“Aw fuck yeah, this is perfect for my man-cave, yeah, fuckin’ flatscreen right there get my beer on, fuckin’ pool table, fuckin’ burgendyblooblooblearghenshpieldoods!!!!!!!! I’M A FUCKIN’ MAN!”

The expression is lame enough, but behind it is a whole adulescent mentality of dudes and whatnot trying to hang on to their college heydays in some sort of bizarre nostalgia for an age that never existed, and that’s what’s even worse. If only the energy spent fantasizing over a perfect cavern-like saloon-style dungeon room full of “manly” paraphernalia could be put to better use by these types, like by jumping off a bridge, we’d all be better off. Maybe I should just stop watching so much damn HGTV and I wouldn’t hear it quite so frequently.  Seriously all the dudes on those house shows say it.

Along with this term, let’s get rid of Bromance, Frosh, Metrosexual, Flatscreen and Grillin’.

3) Any word ending in ‘z’, or, you know, pluralizing shit for no reason

Sure, I am guilty of it sometimes too, but I’m sick of it. Sick of it for realz.

4) Saying obnoxious sounding abbreviations out loud

As early as high school I remember cringing when someone would refer to Geography as “geo”. In college “Polly Sci” made me want to puke everywhere every time that I heard it. Now we have a whole generation of jackasses saying, out loud, stuff that was only meant to be used to shorten the amount of keystrokes in a digital message. Do they not realize that saying OH EMM GEE takes the same amount of time as saying OH MY GOD? Count your fucking syllables people! These are all the same bunch of lunatics that invent words like "Texting", and then, in turn, "Sexting". Rom-com? Tomkat? Double-You Tee Eff (Its longer than saying WHAT THE FUCK)?

To top it all off, now at work I have to hear people talk about VAYKAY time (meaning vacation… yes, really). And just when we thought we were done with the valley-girl-ish “whatever”, we were bombarded with “whatevs”.

You will notice that the people that use these abbreviated kinds of expressions are the same people that never fucking shut up. I wish that they would just abbreviate themselves.

5) “Indie”

Using this word to describe music, film, comedy, art, people or whatever is about as played out and vague as describing food as “organic”. Please note that it is perfectly acceptable to use this word when referencing Indiana Jones.

There are a whole slew of other words like “Emo”, “Goth”, “Fusion”, “Nerd”, “Punk” or whatever that have become distorted over time, and are now meaningless. You will know these expressions when you come across them, because they will make you feel dead inside. I couldn’t possibly list them all here.

6) “Recession”

Whether it’s your hairline, your gums or the economy, seriously, fuck recession.

If we all work real hard at boycotting these expressions, sayings, manoeuvres and shit, then maybe, just maybe, there will be some hope for us as a society. In the meantime, I’ll just continue complaining.

That’s it. I needz to get back to my old school man-cave now.


  1. Ohemgee, after reading this, I feel like you hate me. Like, a nice sound kick to the boobies is on it's way.

    Okay, not really. I mean, I've never even said man-cave. I don't really use recession, except when I'm blaming it for totally irrational things. "You're late to work again Lorraine." "Oh, well, you know with the recession and all..."



  2. Haha!

    Don't worry, you're safe from a booby roundhouse. Extra points for never using Man-Cave too.

    And recession is one of thiose ones we can't avoid using... I just thought maybe if no one said it, it would just go away... like magic.

  3. This totally cracked me up. I have one of those "wazaap" friends. I'm going to show him this, in the sincere hope that he stops. But honestly, I don't see an end in sight, as he also frequently says "kickin' it old school" and refers to his entire apartment as his "man-cave".

    On second thought, maybe I'll just ditch him.

  4. Wow, kickin' it old school and man-cave... he probably wears quirky t-shirts that say stuff like Student Crossing and it's a road sign of someone puking.

    But, don't get me started on CRAZY WACKY FUN t-shirts. I could go on forever.

  5. Yes, yes he does wear those quirky t-shirts. Crazy wacky fun t-shirts could be an entirely other post for you. I'm betting it would be awesome.

  6. What about when people use "ma" or "mah" instead of "my"??? Using "mah" actually means typing out one letter more. And if they think they sound cool, they're so wrong!!! It seems like no one taught them to spell.

    Also, what is with 'anyways'??? I always thought the word was supposed to be 'anyway'! I hate it too when people try to sound smart by using such words when the regular ones would do just as well.

  7. muahahahaha. this is the first time i'ver heard a male hater of the man cave.

  8. @Nikita: The issue is always with people that THINK they're cool... anyways...

    @dbs: I really think that it's not as endearing a term as they think it is when they use it.

    @Paige: Sadly, there are not many of us... it just sounds like a place stupid people would hang out... am I wrong?

  9. My friends use those words a lot...
    The only one that I'm guilty of is #5
    I do hate "Indie" ...
    People think they are soo kewl because they listen to "Indie" Bleh! I solve the problem by adding my own meaning to those words.
    I do say "emo" a lot. it means... so, much to me...

    I also love to say "Cheesy" and "Funky"

    I'm not guilty of the others though.
    I'm also guilty of "whoring out my blog...

  10. Iz new to Ur blog and think its hil-a-ri-ous! I'ma come back real soon!

    No, honestly I don't really talk or type like that and like you am horrified by most of it. I do know the proper use of 'old school' and still never use it. I have been guilty of occasional 'whatevs and "Oh...em...gee"s when talking to my daughter or her friends. Eh, you know, you do what you can to stay relevant. LOL

  11. I'll forgive you i guess... :)

  12. Not that many people use it, but croosh instead of crucial really pissed me off.

  13. Definitely needs to be put in the abbreviations category along with crap like "the YOUJ" for usual.